You Might
Be Koi Kichi if...
by David Hester
reprinted from Mid-Atlantic Koi
•You have ever written the Benny & Smith Company to suggest that they add
Aka, Shiro, Sumi and Midori as crayon colors.
•Koi are mentioned anywhere in your last will and testament. Extra credit if
it contains the phrase "sprinkle my ashes over the Koi pond." (Watch
for pH spike)
•You keep a photo album complete with full details including names of all your
Koi and your wedding pictures are in a shoe box in the closet.
•Your computer is setup to constantly monitor your pond parameters, but you do
your taxes with a pencil and calculator.
•You can check on your pond from your cell phone.
•You have a live web cam setup showing your pond 24/7 but the pictures of your
kids the grandparents have are 4 years old.
•Any other pet you have is named Kohaku.
•You have ever tried to use a gas grill to heat your pond.
•You have ever used a picture of a Koi to buy custom colored paint.
•There is more metal in your Koi pin collection than in your car. (thanks Norman).
•You have ever spent the night in a sleeping bag next to your Koi at a show.
(thanks Mike)
•You ask the clerk in the seafood section to bowl up some lobsters for you.
•You go away on vacation and call the pond sitter every day.
•You ask the pond sitter about your Koi by their names. (you left the sitter
your album).
•There is a dead Koi in your freezer for any reason.
•You have all the electronic meters for your pond including a temperature gauge
with alarm, but in the medicine cabinet all you have is a rectal thermometer.
•You have ever used a Hot Tub for a quarantine tank.
•The fire department has ever assisted you with a water change.
•Your pond has a water slide converted to a waterfall..
•You have asked the manager at the local wholesale club to carry 50 pound bags
of wheat germ.
•You have no trouble talking about the Koi spawning with your kids.
•You refer to the kids as "under 8," "10 to 12" and over
12."
•You know the protein content of an earthworm.
•You have an account at the live bait store, but have never been fishing in your
life.
•You have ever had oysters on the half shell and asked for a doggie bag to take
the shells home.
•You have ever put eugenol in the hot oil air freshener.
•The words "is that the biggest bag that Koi food comes in" have ever
come from your mouth.
•When you buy a lottery ticket the first thing that comes to mind in case
you win is building a bigger pond.
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